Bryan and Cat's recent wedding has had me ruminating on the subject of marriage a lot lately. Well, not just lately... It's a subject that has been on my mind for quite a while (you'll need to be logged in to see that one).

In a recent email exchange, Cat mentioned that a psych textbook she is using in her studies presents a generally negative impression of marriage, claiming that people marry an idealized illusion that they're in love with and after they get married they're faced with who the real person is. I think that may be somewhat true, but I don't think that it implies that marriage should be avoided. It's just a process similar to everyday social interaction. When you first see someone you don't know, you know nothing about their personality or anything; the only thing on which you can base your opinion of them is their appearance. Usually, it's based on their appearance that you decide whether or not you want to pursue contact and get to know them. Once you do, and you get to know their personality, sometimes you find it appealing and sometimes you don't, but if you do, then there's a whole new aspect of them you can start getting to know.

In the case of marriage, you've (hopefully) already gotten to know their personality too, so you know you get along well, but if you're passionately in love then you might still not have a clear idea of all of that person's strengths and weaknesses. But that's OK. Sure, I don't imagine it can stay passionate and new forever. But as time passes you develop something better - permanent companionship. No matter what, you have the other person there with you to share each experience as you make your way through life. That's something I find really desireable - just having someone else who is a part of you.

Sure, you won't always get along perfectly with your spouse. That is a defining characteristic of any relationship where you've grown really close - you don't need to politely work around each other's feelings. It's a lot like family - Andy and I aren't usually super nice to each other, not like I am with friends. If I want him to turn the A/C on as he comes in the room, I say "Turn the A/C on." If it was a friend, even a close friend like Meg or Amy, or even Meej, I'd ask more politely - "Could you turn the A/C on as long as you're up?" I've recently started realizing that difference. When you're really really comfortable with someone, when you know that you're both in this together no matter what, you can drop the superfluous prefix of politeness and just say what you want to say.

Not that politeness is bad or fake or anything. I actually really like interacting with people politely (one reason why I miss the South). But it's a measure of your complete comfort with someone to be able to communicate with them without tacking on all the extra words. And that's what it seems you get with a long marriage. So while the excitement and passion will doubtless fade somewhat in time, what will grow in its place (if you don't give up at the first sign of imperfection and get a divorce) is something really beautiful as well.

Of course, this is all conjecture, since I don't have much personal experience to work with (there was that one incident in Tijuana, but I was drunk for the entire four-hour duration of the marriage, so it doesn't count). I'm sure many of you have given the matter plenty of thought yourselves (especially given the higher-than-usual ratio of female to male friends I have, and the one or two who are actually married). I'd be very interested to hear other peoples' thoughts on the matter.