I was just listening to Rust In Peace and was reminded of how utterly inadequate I felt that night in New Orleans we did Open Mic Night. And it's not like I'm any stranger to the feeling of inadequacy or anything; you'd think I'd be used to it. I think the reason this time it seemed to affect me more that night was just because music has always sort of been my last refuge; I may suck at lots of things, but music was the one thing I was actually good at. At least, it was the one thing I was usually better than the people around me at. Cat pointed out how much I was comparing myself to others that night, and talking about wanting to be better than them, and it's true. That's not something I normally do, and I usually don't feel particularly competitive (again, since I'm not very good at most things :), but for some reason that night I had those irresistible feelings of egotism, like my little sheltering cove had been brushed away and I had to scurry and find something I could still hide behind.

But like I said, it was a relief when I realized that Matt's better than I was even when I was playing regularly. I can deal with people who are just outright better than me, that's no problem :) It just sucked when I thought he was somewhere in that critical range between where I am now and where I once was. It'd be frustrating to hear someone play something that you can't play, but to know that once you could. Or maybe I'm the only superficial enough to need to compare himself to others :)